Kidding

Why would a child insist that magnets are magic? At such a young age we do not understand enough to come to a more logical conclusion and therefore, it must be magic. It must be. I mean, what else would make two things stick to each other so insistently?

Adults would tell their offspring that magic is not real, and therefore it is not a logical conclusion. How does such a profound difference in opinion occur? Are there really tiny particles in a magnet that are so attracted to the particles of the other magnet that they must be together? What causes the attraction?

We continue to educate children to teach them to live in today's world. But would they have to learn so much if our forefathers decided innocence was better? Hmmm I feel an evolution debate arising.

I saw a movie tonight which has sparked these thoughts. The protagonist, or main character as children would put it, is the owner of a toy store. But magical things happen in this toy store. When the movie begins, you almost instantly pass him off as a lunatic. And while that may be the case, it is not the whole case, as he professes strange amounts of knowledge and wisdom as the movie progresses. He has a way of thinking and viewing the world that is rather remarkable. He looks through a child's eyes, has an adult's understanding, and yet chooses the child's viewpoint over the scientific. Much more fun.

I would really like to be able to do that, but the magic has gone. Fairies aren't real anymore, they've told me so many times I believe it.

And Dustin Hoffman plays him beautifully.

Young Love.

I had a boyfriend when I was much younger. Could have sworn it was real love. Now that I am older, and wiser, I realise it was really only an infatuation. Puppy Love. It was my first almost-'adult' relationship, a relationship unlike any I had enjoyed previously, and those new found feelings lead me to believe that is what love is.

It wasn't until the following relationship that I learned what love actually is. Yes, I understand and accept that this following relationship may have only been interpreted as love because it was a relationship unlike any I had enjoyed previously. However upon comparison, the following is much more like what I imagined love to be than the first. And it was actually a grown up relationship, none of that teenage drama.

The part that seals the deal for me; makes me believe the following is actual love, is the comparison of pain I felt when both relationships didn't work out. The first one hurt, even though I ended it, however the lead up was obvious and I got over it in about a week. The second one, I'm still not over. It felt like my heart failed. Literally, stopped beating. My breath caught in my throat. My mind emptied but for the single thought that it's over. Then it sped up twice it's normal speed to catch up, bringing tears with it. Once I had calmed down my mind kicked in to defend the love, and I tried every reason under the sun, to no avail. I concluded that he was stupid.

If it's true love, real love, you never stop loving them, no matter what happens.

Love and Marriage

Why do we all have this instinct to try and find love? Is it actually an instinct, or something programmed into us over many generations? Fairytales of form a young girls' impression of love, but boys have less to go on. Maybe that's why there's such a big difference in our views on marriage. Men seem okay with a small, intimate wedding, and yet girls want the biggest event of the year. Men can also feel comfortable to step aside and let their soon-to-be lady have the spotlight and whatever else she wants. I am not sure I understand marriage. I am also not sure I want to. I do know that when I do get married it will be as much about me as it will the groom.

This Morning

...I feel really alone. As in, without attention or affection from boys. Why I need affection from them I don't know. My Mr. Big loves me, definitely, but I feel I cannot go to him when I feel like this. I fear he will think of me as clingy, and I don't want that. So, I will man up and bottle my feelings, spilling them here. And other boys are only good for sex. Sex and fun and dates. That is all. Therefore, I feel alone because I have no one to go to when I want a boyfriend figure. Yes, I have correctly identified what I want right NOW. A boyfriend figure. Oh boyfriend figure, where art thou?