Breaking

At night, things seem worse. I know it's not just me. At night, everyone who is even slightly emotional gets their feelings amplified. And as such, when, at night, I have been feeling particularly down about him leaving I have ignored it and passed it off as a night phenomenon. But today... Today was different...

I awoke this morning and the confused but ultimately sad feeling had chased me down and cornered me in a blanket of the soft morning light. Light. Since when does this happen? Since the subconscious countdown got down to four. Four days left. Wow. So today is different. Today I broke. Today I realised that there's only four days left and then... And then what? What will happen when he's gone? I don't know how I will react to it, nor how different my life will be. I do know that it will be hard. I do know that my little trip to Perth is really the mask I will be wearing for a while after the fourth day. I do know that no one really knows or understands what I am going through when I put this mask on. Or even know or understand what I was going through when I had the other mask on. Denial. Works well to block thoughts and present a calm demeanor.
But today is different.
Today I broke.