Question Existing

Who am I living for?
Is this my limit?
Can I endure some more?
Chances are given,
Question Existing.

Was it all a dream? I can barely tell today. A friend told me last night, 'He's not coming back. Get over him.' Is this true? I don't know. What is the purpose for our lives if not for love? Where do we draw meaning from? Friendships? They are love, I guess, but a lesser type of love, not completing. Looking around me people seem content in their lives. Are they in love? Maybe. Have they experienced their soul being moved by someone else's? I will never know. I doubt there are more people who have been in real love than those who haven't. This begs me to ask: How do those who have not experienced love find happiness in everyday life? That is the key for me at the moment.

The void is large, the knowledge to fill it, weak, and the desire to fill it, weaker. How am I to be satisfied in everyday life? My friendships, the shoulders I thought would lift me through this time, have turned.... not superficial, far from it, but rather... shallow? Is that the word I am after? Perhaps unfulfilling is a better word. ...No, that's wrong too. They are not as satisfying, that is for sure.

Sometimes I wish I had never fallen in love. This would be so much easier. If ignorance is bliss, sometimes I yearn for ignorance. To find happiness in everyday life when there is such an element missing, to gain happiness from everyday interactions and to feel fulfilled from that, would be welcome right now. I must take a step down from love and accept that this break is a good thing. If it is just a break, and not a permanent one.

If it was real, and not a dream. I have all these physical possessions, trinkets that remind me of him, photos of us together... scribbled notes we left for one another. Were they real? Honest? True? Do they really carry as much meaning as I will them too? I would give up everything in my life, my motorbike, television, internet, gold, if I could have him forever. And this questions the difference between my need and want for him, a partial point of this break. I guess I just want to know if he is going through the same thing. That is,
If it is just a break, and not a permanent one.
If it was real, and not a dream.

Who am I living for?
Is this my limit?
Can I endure some more?
Chances are given,
Question Existing.