Revelation

I came to realise today that I don't really love him anymore. I love the old man, the one who didn't push me away. This man, the one I am seeing in half an hour, is not the man I fell in love with. I don't love him anymore. This is a scary thought for me. And you know what? For the first time since this shit started I'm okay with it. I genuinely just want to be his mate. I don't want to put myself out there and risk getting hurt, I'd rather just be his mate. This all fits. It explains my sudden lack of interest in him, besides the sexual side. The sexual tension is enormous, but if you ignore that it's easy to see that I don't really want him anymore. He broke my heart once, and because I loved him I let him back into my life, and now he's being selfish and pushing me away again. Let him. I won't come back to him. Hopefully, in a few years when he returns, I will be overseas and he will have to really honestly try to find me. I feel good.